Both houses will be subject to an attendance review, those members who have made insufficient visits to the palace of Westminster (without just cause i.e., illness, govt business) will be sacked.
The presence of bishops in the house is simply incompatible with the twenty-first century; superstition has no place in a legislative assembly. Furthermore church attendance is 654000 a week, that’s one bishop for each 25000 worshippers. On average every weekend 835000 went to watch live football in one of England’s top six tiers, if they were represented at the same ratio that would equate to thirty three (English) football fans in the Upper house. Surely the nations pub goers also deserve representation?
The hereditary peers and bishops who pass the attendance review will not be replaced with similar on their passing. Just because they shouldn’t have been there doesn’t mean they haven’t done a decent job and should be allowed to continue to do so.
Following the removal of the freeloaders the house will be topped up according to the total popular vote in the previous general election.
On completion of these reforms the House of Lords will be re-titled Votey McVoteplace. (Thanks to unnamed Guardian letter writer).
All voting systems must balance a trade-off between fairness and functionality; a royal commission will report on the proportional representation system to be used in future.
The blatant gerrymandering of the current electoral commission will be ended by re-establishing its independence and staffing it with persons from functional democracies. E.G. New Zealand, and the Nordic countries.
The heads of the following organisations will be allocated a seat in the Upper House. C.B.I., T.U.C., The Howard league, charities commission, Joseph Rowntree foundation, National Trust. Similarly long standing campaign groups will be included, such as Greenpeace, FOE and surfers against sewage. In addition, The Human League will have a seat (Hello Andy).
A constitutional college will be established, and a written constitution will be generated.
There will be a referendum on becoming a republic on the event of a monarch’s death.
The prison population is higher than the size of an average U.K. parliamentary constituency; however, we expect this to reduce on implementation of our humane policies. Prisoners will be given the vote; they will form a separate constituency and elect a member for H.M. prisons. This person will be known as the “Right horrible member for HM prisons”.
Consideration must be given to representation for the homeless.
The deposit to stand in elections will be abolished to increase participation.
The most creative spoilt ballots will be preserved in a local museum and available to view.
There will be an alternative Parliamentary oath for non-believers of religion and/or monarchy.
All parliamentary committees will close questioning witnesses with the question: “what haven’t you told us?”. Failure to disclose relevant information may result in prosecution.
When Members of the Upper house are no longer able to serve comprehensively, they may be made “Emeritus professor of the University of the Palace of Westminster”. This would be a position with no voting rights but would allow access to the Palace and allow them to continue to offer counsel in their specialist field and sit on relevant committees.
A block of flats will be acquired to provide accommodation for members of parliament representing constituencies a certain distance from London. Thus, reducing the scope to abuse the second home allowance. In the short term the Bibby Stockholm could be utilised.
Ministers for re-cycling, the long term and gross domestic happiness will be introduced.
All members will be required to get riotously drunk on a Friday afternoon to approve the weekly output. All legislation should make equal sense to the sober and the drunk. This process will be known as “Okocim’s razor.”